IAP Political Forum

Something awful happened at my campus not too long ago.  A student killed herself by taking sleeping pills. The local papers didn't cover the story - I don't know why. Maybe because it's a common occurence at school? Anyway, I've been thinking about this person ever since this took place. And just haven't had the courage to talk about it with anyone until now.  I know this is extremely personal topic..but has anyone ever had these kind of thoughts themselves? I mean, do you suppose this is typical human behavior? If no one answers this thread..I do understand.

I've never met anybody that hasn't thought about committing suicide.

I didn't know her personally, but she was in one of my classes. And then one day an ambulance is sitting in front of the buildings. And like that - she was gone. It felt like time stood still for a few moments..where nobody moved or could speak. And then when the ambulance drove off - life resumed almost like nothing had happened. I stood there for awhile, waiting for something. I don't know how else to explain this. But, I stood there waiting and I can't even say what it was I was waiting for.

I have had 2 members of my family commit suicide. In both cases I can only speculate why they did what they did but I believe both stemmed from loneliness. My great uncle had lived with by himself for only 2 years all the rest of his life he ha always lived with someone. His guests were few(just my dad and our family) he had no family of his own. My cousin was the same but much younger(26). I was close to him and I think about him often. He didn't really have a good job, no real drive for education, an after 4 years in the Marines came back to live with mom. He was on medication, but ultimately he was just lonely.   

Suicide is rarely if ever reported on.  Unless the person is famous somehow.

I believe that suicide is ultimately a selfish act, as it is done for yourself, with rarely a thought for those left behind.  But I do also believe that a great many people have contemplated it.  Few act on it.

Never in my life have I thought about killing myself.

I find it strange when people contemplate it or actually do it.

I don't know how to explain it, but to me life is this something we have, and I take it at face value I guess. There is the good and the bad, and they kind of alternate. Everything comes to an end, including life itself, so I think if something really bad is happening, it will come to end someday, and if something really good is happening, I live it intensely, because I believe no life can be miserable from beginning to end, and no life can be happy all the time, so I kind of accept it as it is and withstand the blows until they pass, or I do   ;D

Suicide or contemplating suicide is really not in my nature

(Wrong issue. Don't read unless you're up to know fucking more than what you fucking want to know. Seriously)


Well, I'm of the suicidal kind, and I learned this earlier this year when I had serious thoughts about suicide for the first time in about 12 years.

I don't know why people suicide. I do know why I am of the suicidal kind -the sort with a serious danger to die by their own hand. I hope I will die of natural causes before that, but wouldn't be too shocked if I comitted suicide at an elder age, if I was weak and ill enough.

How it goes? If you're lucky to not have experienced it, you can't figure The Pit. The trouble is the pit. There's a pit in the middle of your soul, and it's a dark deep pit. It atracts you and your life is about how you build barriers between you and the void, and how you run in circles -often ignoring it's there. But iy's there. It can be felt. It's surrounde by a slope. The closer to the pit, the more tilted it is. If you get too down the slope you slip and fall into the pit and then you die -by your hand.

Why you have a pit in your soul? What it does there? Who put it? There's no answer. Probably something is wrong with the delicate balance of your brian chemistry. But once you see the pit and walk the slope and can't tell when will you stop, you know that the pit is there to stay.

Earlier this year I knew why I do have this pit. I found out that in a very profound level of my mind I can't stand people. Really can't. People... if I awoke tomorrow and everyone was gone, I would die happily. I mean I would suicide happily. If I just could get rid of everyone... for a while... then return to normality. There you go... gone forever... alone... and then welcome back, I had what I needed. I switched you off, and it was happiness. Now I feel like bearing you forever. But that can't be. I can't get rid of people. I just can remove my awareness that they're there. Oh, well, I can't resurrect after that. Too bad. But some day will come that this will be the only way to go. If I die of age before, lucky me. If don't... well, it's nothing personal. It's you or me and you won't go so I remove myself. So I don't have to bear you anymore... then I will get rid of the pit. Oh yes I will get rid of it. Dead don't have pits in the soul. And if they do... to hell with it. Afterlife si for suckers or people who really didn't suffered enough here.

On the other hand... why should *I* suicide when the trouble it's YOU? That's what has kept me from getting too close to the rim of the pit. I don't bloody feel like removing myself because of you... in a fine day... in the bad days I just would remove myself and to hell with both me and you.

It's nothing personal. It's the way I am, and most of time I am lucky enough to NOT face this. Then I go on with the thing we should call my life (it's not really a life) and I am the person I use to be.

As you may figure, I usually don't think often about this -just when I'm down. Now I am down eonough to remember it but not really down.


Why does people suicide? Don't know. I really have enough with my own troubles about suicide.

Major Zee Lee..isn't there anyone that you love who returns those feelings? I guess this is where we differ. You say you don't like people. I find that I am drawn even to strangers, that I do like people. Right now I feel connected to you by your words. And I want you to know that I hope you never, never slide into that pit.
I wish that you find happiness,enough so that you never feel this way again.

Major, thanks for sharing so much of yourself.  Most people can't or wont go into those depths on the internet for people that esentially are complete strangers.  Although maybe that makes it easier?

I hope you don't go down that road, but I do know what you mean about people.  I have what would be called anti-social tendencies because I don't like many people.  Strangers specially.  I can play a good front at a party and people will believe I am empatheyic and all that, but it's a front.  I tend to happiest by myself.  My son is the exception to this rule...

Major, I am sorry to hear that you struggle with that inward battle.  It doesn't make sense does it. 

I wish for you that you will find what you're looking for in this life.

I know exactly what you mean Biker. Something about the peace and quiet of being alone. Sometimes when I am planning to go to a friends house or something, I will get sidetracked and start reading. Not that I don't want to see the people I'm going to hang out with or have social anxiety problems, I just really enjoy not having anyone else around sometimes.

I find that even when hanging out with other people, I often prefer small groups of people to large groups. I usually have more fun fishing with two or three other people than I do at parties, and if I'm going out drinking, I prefer a smaller bar to a club type of scene. Usually at least. I'm perfectly willing to put up with a crowd if theirs live music or something else good going on.


MZL, I know what you're talking about. I don't mean to trivialize the issue, but it is just a state of mind. I've been there before and have found that for me, I've got to think happy. It might sound dumb to say it like that, but the three things that have always brought me back no matter how down I was were hiking, music (type of music is of importance) and getting some exercise (wooded areas factor more into the hiking for me than the exercise does).

It's a lot harder for me to be down on myself after I've just gotten home from a good run through the woods and put on some Peter Tosh.




Usually I do consider suicide a selfish act, but in some cases I wouldn't think of it in those terms. In the case of someone terminally ill, or someone who feels that their mind and/or body is slipping out of their control, due to age, illness or other reasons, I don't fault them. In the vast majority of cases, it's not the path I would recommend, but I understand.

Hunter S. Thompson shot himself a few years back. He is one of my favorite writers, and I feel that American literature and journalism will never be the same. Something he used to say was that he never wanted to get to a point in his life where he was unable to shoot himself. I can understand the sentiment of not wanting to lose control. Like I said, I wouldn't recommend it, but I've never been in the situation and have no idea what its like to face losing control over myself.

Good advice from everyone. Which goes to prove just how much we (humanity) really are connected. IAP is a very special forum. 

Well...

Talking about this things it's easier with strangers, yes. also helps that it's a foreign language, the additional effort looking for words helps in not getting too involved in this sort of travel to the ugliest in the mind.

But, I needed to vent it out. Specially because when you first encounter what I call the pit, you really appreciate when someone else tells you he knows it too. Knowing that other survived this struggle with self-destruction is helpful. Also as illhuman says, there's safety ropes, things that one may use to drag yourself out of the pit; and things that keep you in the right side of the slope, i.e. out of it.

As for people, it turns that I have a slight social phobia. I am irrationally scared of foreigners (that's why it has taken me almost a year to resolve myself into dealing with potential employers depsite my desperate need of working again). What is funniest is that I love that people cares of me, and I care about them in return, and so I'm pretty nice... but also feel deeply hurt when people is not nice with me, and then I bite back as well as I can. Btu that doesn't helps, of course.

All in all, I enjoy beign left to my own, but only to a certain point... whenever my parents leave for holidays I am happy the first week, but the second week I begin missing them and feeling tired about being with me and myself... also ahve a tendency to lmit cotnatc with ppeopel whoc ares about me, i'm terrible for e-mails as i may write a mail interesitng myself about someoena nd then he answers and then I c don't feel liek answering, i have 2topped2 my emapthy limit and need to be left alone... which si puzzling, but I need thsoe withdraws...

As for selfishness of suicide... well, probably is the most selfish act a person can comit, because when you have the rope in your ahnd, to speak so, and have to decide wether you'll actually hang yourself or not, it's all about you. It's your life in your hands. If there was soemthign else... if there is... you won't suicide. I think this may be why lonely people suicide oftener -the chances that a foreign influence breaks the intimacy with the own life and death are slimmer. Also there's cry out suicides, suicide attempts whose aim is to draw attention. Quite selfish too, when people stack their life against release from their suffer...

Anyway, I agree with Rachel that human are connected by the thigns we share, our abbility to understand as own what is alien. As my favorite quote goes, "I am human, nothing human is alien to me" (Homo sum, nil humani alieno me puto).

MZL, really sorry to hear about your battle  :( I know you have had some setbacks in your life and a tough life in some aspects, so my heart goes out to you.

I am not sure of the specific details of your thoughts, but did you go to a doctor with this? I am not being rude, I just think what you are thinking would be fairly common amongst a lot of people, and in many cases can be treated. Many people with suicidal thoughts stem from clinical depression which can be managed and treated with modern medicine. The good thing about todays society is that there is no social stigma with depression or suicidal thoughts.

Personally, I have never ever thought about killing myself. It just never ever comes into the equation. Life is too precious for me, and too short for me to ever contemplate it. Sure, there are days when I am depressed, sad, lonely etc, but I think that is standard amongst everyone.

But I know what whenever I am feeling down, tomorrow is just around the corner and a brand new dawn beckons. There will be always good times ahead if I am just patient and have some faith.

The one thing I tend to do when I am down is to get back to basics. Enjoy the simple things in life. Waking up to the sunset on the ocean etc. Because I know, no matter what happens in my life, the ocean will always be there, music will always be there, books will always be there, etc etc. These are little things but they are important things.

Anyway Zee, I hope everything in your life moves in the right direction. You deserve some good fortune come your way  :) Well, you have my email address so anytime you feel down, you can always email me.

Not to sound like an ass, but I'm in the same boat.
This is why I need to move off to an island so I can get away from people. Or maybe into the hills of some hick town... Work in a call center for a year. After talking to 100 ignorant people everyday you'll have to question the basic intelligence of your fellow citizens. I have to constantly mute myself because I start getting really annoyed. My patience is down to 0. I don't even bother talking to people anymore because I can't deal with ignorance.... I go to college, and simply sit quietly. I don't bother interacting with people as I always manage to find their faults. Then their faults start to eat away at me. I love it when people in my house go out of town. Then I don't have to deal with people. It's just me and my antisocial self. Anyways, not going to delve to deep into my thoughts on suicide as I don't get emotional.

Good luck to you MZL.

I think in certain cases, people who are suffering a major depression from some event eg relationship breakup, loss of job etc need to take a step back.

At the time,you think that it is the end of the world, that your problem is insurmountable and can't be solved, that your life is finished etc.

It isn't.

The greatest remedy of all problems is time. With time, you will discover how trivial or unimportant that problem was, and how crazy your thoughts were at the time. You will not recognise the person you were back then, from the person you are now.

So, what you have to do is get through your current predicament and let time take care of things.

What I suggest is that you get back to basics and take each day as it comes. Srt daily goals. I want to achieve such and such today. And tomorrow you can set something else as your goal. You won't feel a million dollars overnight but day by day, hour by hour, you will slowly start to get back to reality and your true happy self.

The best thing that works for me is travel and the knowledge and experience gained from. I lived in Brasil. People there live in poverty. They have no future beyond the next day. They live in favelas which can be washed away any day, there is no welfare, no government payments, no job security, no health care, no future whatsoever. The only thing they can look forward to is trying to survive the next day.

In comparison, my problems are trivial and unimportant. What I go through is nothing compared to them. The same as what I go to is nothing compared to cancer sufferers, or paraplegics, or road accident casualties, or people with lifetime illness, or deaf and dumb, or blind or etc etc

We all live in lucky countries. We all(the most of us anyway) have people who love us, we all can choose our destiny, we all never have to worry about war or famine or disease or poverty.

So, lets all enjoy what we have, while we have it??? People from other countries would give anything to be in our place. Lets enjoy the moment and make the most of the advantages we have been given. We may not realise it, but we are the privileged few.
Lets appreciate it, and appreciate and give thanks to all the good things and good people in our life, rather than be miserable about what we don't have. The world is a much better place, and our little corner of it is too, by forcing ourselves to have a positive attitude. It is a lot lot harder I know, but the rewards are infinitely much better than the alternative.

Smile and love to be alive  ;D

Well, at the risk of sounding like a "oh woe is me" emo d-bag... I'm gonna be honest here.



When I was young someone very close to me committed suicide and since then that person's death was never talked about or mentioned in my family... and for 17 years of my life I never knew how this person died, until I asked my father.

It was suicide.

My family never talked about this person, in life or in death... and then I finally built up enough courage to ask. It surprised me... but on the same level, I was expecting it.

As for *me* and suicide... I have thought about it. I think about it almost every day, but not for the same reasons other people do.

I am just so tired of living. I'm bored. It's not really boredom though... just a personal loathing I have for each day I wake up. It's not because of saddness or not being loved or any emotional reason... but I'm just bored. I can't explain it or even understand it, but for so long I have looked for ways to quickly depose of myself in a clean, non-barbaric way. On the ship I was on this summer, at night, I would look at the water and think about jumping... but then if the watch saw me they would have to turn the ship around and start looking for me. Plus, we already had someone pass away because of a seizure, so I didn't want to add to the problems that captain would have to deal with.

I'm not selfish and I know how many people I would hurt if I were to die... but  am just so bored any more with life. I can't explain it.

And the only reason I haven't killed myself already is because I KNOW I have a family that loves, especially my step-mother, and I have friends that would miss me. But really, my only reason for living is my step mother. I know she would be devastated if I weren't there and I could never do that to her.

Again, I know how lucky I am to have a house and a family and friends and a car and an education and my health... but I'm just so tired of living.

I'm sorry to sound selfish, but I can't explain it. Boredom is the wrong word. It really is a personal loathing I have that I just can't make into words...

Well, life sucks. It sucks hard.

I just find something to do everyday that's worth doing. Whether it's partying, listening to good music, or bitching at Baldar, I find something. I've learned to lower my expectations.

To who all the people here who think about killing themselves, do you have goals in life?

I mean, do you have a piece of paper where you have written what you want in life and a road map on how to get there? I bet you don't.

I don't want to come across like a real inconsiderate bastard, but it saddens annd frustrates me that there are so many young people here who think about ending their life when they have so much life still to live.

You really need to write down your dreams, write down your goals and then write down the road map of how you are going to get there. Dedicate a day to it. Hell, people dedicate 2 weeks to preparing for christmas(one day of the year), you can afford to spend a day on your own life.

Most people don't though. I guarantee the majority of people don't have goals, dreams, and directions on how to get there, written down. And even if they do, it is usually someone else's dream eg "I want to live in a mansion and drive a ferrari".

Your goals should be unique to you, not anyone else. And once you have written them down, and put in place your plan on how to get there, you havn't got the time to be feeling down, or depressed, you just want to get to where you want to go.

Self pity is one of the most powerful and destructive emotions, we as humans can have.

1)It puts us in a negative mindset and we rarely achieve anything with a negative mindset

2)It gives us the unrealistic impression that all our problems are the worlds fault, and not ours.

You have to declare war on self pity and be determined to be happy and achieve what you want in life. It's not easy, but the best thing is that everyone can do it.

You need to read positive and inspirational stories to motivate you. There are millions around, but again most people don't look. Too hard, much easier to watch CNN and see soldiers being killed in Iraq, thousands killed in an earthquake etc.

You have to train yourself to look for inspiration, look for positive things to make you happy. The web is a great source for this.

You don't even have to get out of this forum. We have many posters on here with inspirational life stories. If you have a spare 20 minutes, go to Jim Colyers website and read his story. Here is a guy who went through some tough times and at age 40 was living in his mothers basement on a single bed.He had financial problems and a bleak future. He didn't just toss it in or give up. He kept positive, slowly changed his life around, and now travels the world, and USA and spends quality time with his son. It is a lovely story.

Your life story can also be an inspirational one, and a magnificent one. But the only person who can determine it is you. No one else will care if you achieve what you want in life, so it is all up to you. Which is why negative thoughts and depressive thoughts are a waste of time, and harm you in a strong way. It is imperative that you push these aside, and make a brand new start.

Have a listen to the Dido song "life for rent". It is about whether you are renting your life, or own your life. If you are doing what you want or working towards it, then you have ownership of your life. If you are in a rut, feeling depressed and not doing what you want, then you are simply renting your life. Society has ownership.

Anyway, of course I am compassionate about people here who feel so low. But I want to encourage you to make goals for your life and act towards them. I feel that this helps you more than a "poor you" type post.

I really hope you can give your life purpose and achieve happiness in perpetuity as you deserve.  :)

Haha. Nice nice

suicide is sign of weakness,,, the more suicides the weakest is the society,,, this is what nature asks for,,,

MZL you are the weakest link,,, bye bye!!!

Had he committed suicide, you might have a point.

He seems to be doing fairly well considering what he's already been through.

You on the other hand...

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/samuti/orly-43441.jpg)

I beg you please, please, don't say things like that!! Isn't there enough cruelty in the world? Please..I know this won't matter much to you. But what you've said has upset me so much. Please...I can't talk anymore right now.

Yeah, 'rly (http://www.itsallpolitics.com/forum/index.php?topic=218.0).

i'm mentally stable person,,, at least i think so,,, omg where is my shotgun, rope, Justin Timberlake's album,,, something,,,

ok, Rachel just for you,,,

any person who may have been into suicide situation,,,

1,,, get a pet like cat or dog,,, i dislike dogs myself because i am cat but dogs are better animals to human also they need more care not just being fed
this will teach you being responsible for someone so maybe you will get how it will be for that dog if you don't feed it one day

2,,, if you think of suicide obviously you have plenty of free time to think about crap,,, go do some charity work for elders or better with children with cancer,,,
around those you may learn value of life and how it feels like when you want to live but you really cannot

I was just giving you shit for being an ass, pj.

You're right on with the advice though.

Honestly I think everyone goes through suicidal thoughts, especially in the teenage years when you have hormone imbalances. I think other people suffer imbalances due to unstable brain chemistry and/or mis-prescribed drugs. My cousin had problems with adrenal gland. It gave him huge Highs and Lows. He got prescribed some medication from the VA that really sent him off and I believe led to his eventual suicide.

(http://atdpweb.berkeley.edu/brokenlogic/images/nowai.jpg)

now you feeling guilty,,, where have you been when i almost bought a ticket to Barcelona to cheer MZL up after reading your post,,, common mate next time don't make these delays,,,


MZL knows i love him,,, and i would have sex to him if i was in condition to,,, just want to kick seriousness and artistism outta him,,,, coz the world ain't simple,,, and the only reason for human life is to progress,,, so make it enjoyable ,,,

This is what GOD would tell btw,,, including no wai,,, just for you to know it a big fan of these o'rly clones

(http://atdpweb.berkeley.edu/brokenlogic/images/nowai.jpg)

now you feeling guilty,,, where have you been when i almost bought a ticket to Barcelona to cheer MZL up after reading your post,,, common mate next time don't make these delays,,,


MZL knows i love him,,, and i would have sex to him if i was in condition to,,, just want to kick seriousness and artistism outta him,,,, coz the world ain't simple,,, and the only reason for human life is to progress,,, so make it enjoyable ,,,

This is what GOD would tell btw,,, including no wai,,, just for you to know it a big fan of these o'rly clones

Listen, tough one... if you manage to walk in my shoes and live to tell... then we'll talk. As far as I know, one of us has been put to a test and has been tough enough to survive, whereas the other is a bloatful douchebag who speaks from the comfort of ignorance. ;)

i don't know what to say either way it will upset you even more... so let the god be with you,,, so i won;t go personal but will speak on abstract wonderland language you understand,,,

your "test" was irrelevant the most important it wasn't a test,,,

Those are great ideas!!

I want to preface my post with the general knowledge that I've had my fair share of troubles with the subject matter.


I do not. I'm having trouble deciding how much of myself I want to dedicate to the world. Our species seems to be coming closer and closer to devouring itself and dragging the Earth down with it as well. Why would I sell part of myself to a people who are capable of this? It seems a better choice to drink myself silly and join the apathetic hordes.


This is a very optimistic outlook on the nature of humanity. I'm not one to share these romantic ideals of humanism, though.


The problem that I, and a few others as well I would guess, have, is a fundamental hang up with the nature of 'inspiration'. What does it inspire you to do? I tend see a lot of people's 'inspiration' as self delusion, and their driving goals to be naive and unrealistic. This leads me to question my own 'inspiration' and my desire to be inspired.


To just 'push these [thoughts] aside' is an unrealistic goal for most people who suffer form these thoughts as they are assaulting the mind constantly. You can yell as loud as it takes for you to clear every thought from your head, but as soon as you quiet down long enough to hear yourself think, they return. Ignoring the driving force behind these thoughts only serves to buy time, and all too often this time isn't taken advantage of.


Now I have an idea of whom I am talking to. :D Name changes from the old forum are still messing with me but this topic goes hand in hand with the conversation we had before the switch.


Walk around with my scars in a short sleeved shirt for a week and then say that. Stigma isn't even close to the right word. Our society has a phobia of it. Which goes back to the idea that it's much easier to discuss this with the anonymity that the internet provides.

Certianly, I.I., internet anonimity helps... being depressed is not cool, its actually... depressing... and may steal time from the usually productive leisure activities our socitty provides so generously, until making you shout what kind of idiot you ought to be to not be happy in the land of happines for a price... ;)

Sometimes it feels like "I'm depressive, so what the hell!? I'm PROUD to be ME, my depression at least is more sincere than all the be-happy-or-yur-an-idiot attitude that advertising feeds into our brains!"

Come on, how many of you would dare ot say in public, "I am NOT happy and I feel it's OK?" How about a campaign, "Happy? No thanks, I'm STILL working it"?

Happiness has been overrated and overused until it has lost all meaning.

Yes, sometimes it feels like "I am depressed, but I am me at least... And you?"

There's always a better day to look forward to Major. Feelings come and go.  I am just glad you're still here.  :)

Is depression a choice or a disease of the mind?  Amazing how the right chemicals can make us see brighter days.  I always wondered why the Jews in the deathcamps didn't commit wholesale suicide.  They had reason to, more than just about anyone else in history, and yet, most of them wanted to live more than anything else.

You make some very good points my friend. Human inequality is the eternal and immutable fact of life and the stupid and the ignorant seem to vastly outnumber the intelligent and civilized. That is why I support Eugenics.

OswaldTheOsprey

I have a close friend who suffers froim severe heriditary depression and it is a terrible thing. Best wishes to you my friend.

OswaldTheOsprey