IAP Political Forum

Stand on any busy street and look up, do this until 2 or 3 others are looking up as well, then quietly walk away and spend the rest of the day looking at the sheep looking up,,,,at nothing.

Today is national be a grouch(sp?) day,,,lets all embrace our inner grouch.

What kind of person can't even tell if he's spelling grouch right?

Someone who doesn't spell check. Bah... Society is going down the drain. Thanks Opmod.

How's that for grouchy.

Most meats taste better with mustard.

Has anyone ever considered that perhaps the hokey pokey isn't "what its all about"?

Are you kidding?  its got putting stuff in, takin' stuff out, turnin' yourself about.  What more could you possibley ask for? The hokey pokey is definately what it is all about.

edit: crap I almost forgot the shakin' all about.  You shake it all about man!  Seriously, the HP is without a doubt, what it is all about...

Has anyone ever considered that perhaps the hokey pokey isn't "what its all about"?

Is there anyone is the world who isn't scared of something?

Braille text on the key pad at a drive-up ATM.


eh?

I suppose you claim that blind people shouldn't be driving.

applause :laugh:


Certainly not.

They should be allowed to drive what they want, & do what they want.
Pilot an airplane? Sure. Take a job directing traffic? Why not.

The irony is once they've typed in the correct ID#, they simply
need to follow the instructions on the touch screen.

As to bigotry, there's two things in this world I simply cannot stand;
People that are intolerant of other cultures, & the Dutch.

this whole thread is a good reminder that there are just two kinds of people in this world.   

Those that devide the world into two kinds of people, and those that don't.

So what is it about then?

Braille text on the key pad at a drive-up ATM.


eh?

American beer is like making love in a row boat, it is fucking close to water.

(http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/happy/happy0188.gif)

Just more anit-American propaganda. By this I'm not referring to Perrin's statement so much, but that we are known for our crap beer. I have a problem with the domestic/import paradigm. I can think of dozens of excellent beers made in the US that I would take over pretty much any import any day.

On the one hand in imports: Corona and Heinekin
On the other with doestics: Liberty Ale and Wild Goose Porter

It's a shame that we're known for Budweiser and Miller, not the good beers we make here.

I am undefeated at losing the lottery.

What if C-A-T really spelled dog?

The below statement is true
The above statement is false

God saw I was dog.
 Dog saw I was god.

 Both of these sentences read the same forwards and backwards.
 I have no idea why this thought is deep, or even if it is.
 Perhaps dogs do worship us because we can operate the can opener.
 Totino's post brought this to mind.

1. If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em
go, because, man, they're gone.


2. If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them
own? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."


3. To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something
when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you
give me a hand?" You can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."


4. One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going
to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old
burned-out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried
and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good
joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting
pretty late.


5. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.


6. If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I
bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you make it
shoot farther?" "No, I'm sorry. That's as far as it shoots."


7. Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful
flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's
carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a
very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.


8. I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our
children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.


9. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell
him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute
thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."


10. If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the
mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.


11. Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my
first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an
ant and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.


12. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
choreography and the dancers hit each other.


13. I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king,
they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas
with some good ideas.


14. If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons
(maybe by shoving them down his throat).


15. Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call
them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what,
can't we all be brothers?


16. Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some
sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.


17. I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed
out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years,
because I was thinking about doing that anyway.


18. I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate
revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run
up to him real quick and hand it to him.


19. Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word
itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and
"ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.


20. If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else
flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.


21. It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And
I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there,
rocking back and forth, wanting that money.


22. If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a
beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.


23. To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've
wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time
I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.


24. As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red
again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than
a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.


25. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without
hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd
never expect it.


26. I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its
eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having
a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.


27. Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right
there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like
to read goodbooks.


28. What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds
singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to
get drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park
and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lay down and go to
sleep.


29. Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks
out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that's
like a regular window.


30. During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was
not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

31. If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,
like I am now.


32. When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was
call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and
started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.


33. I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and
whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy
boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had
bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled
off the paint.


34. Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know
anybody: First take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra
garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out
too. Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.


35. Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your
rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who
the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door.


36. If you're a cowboy and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I
bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was
reading a magazine.


37. If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I
think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures,
to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting
the vulture.


38. Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?


39. If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and
while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and
then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't
know what to tell you.


40. One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't
run with a wooden stake.


41. If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you
think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife?
Trust me, it's not.


42. Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a
dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look
out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."


43. Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over
here, looking through your stuff.


44. For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not
add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?


45. I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and
pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying along,
low to the ground, and the fish pulls a worm out of the ground.
Now that's a documentary.


46. If I was the head of a country that lost a war, and I had to sign
a peace treaty, just as I was signing, I'd glance over the treaty and
then suddenly act surprised. "Wait a minute! I thought we won!"


47. Sometimes you have to be careful when selecting a new name for
yourself. For instance, let's say you have chosen the nickname "Fly
Head." Normally you would think that "fly Head" would mean a person who
has beautiful swept-back features, as if flying through the air. But
think again. Couldn't it also mean "having a head like a fly"? I'm afraid
some people might actually think that.


48. Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are
losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and
nobody got scared.


49. I hope that after I die, people will say of me: "That guy sure
owed me a lot of money."


50. I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because
then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.


51. I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat." It's a fake baby
duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming
underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you
join them. Then all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water
and roar like Godzilla. Man those ducks really take off! Also
Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.


52. If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude.
That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity "happen."


53. The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge
of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked
around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. "Uh-oh," he thought.
"This watering hole is reserved for skeletons."

Indeed.


What exactly is fun about "Fun Sized" candy bars?

If i said a situation was ironic, but the situation really wasn't  ironic, is that still ironic?

If assume makes an ass of you and me, does assasinate make an ass of I and Nate?

OswaldTheOsprey

Never gets hassled at the border.

If Santa lives at the North Pole, does that mean he's Canadian?



Makes sense sorta. Fat, jolly, generous. Naive to a fault. Never gets hassled at the border.




Just askin'.
Ahk

He's Russian. Per Putin, Russia owns the North Pole. Merry Christmaski! :laugh: ;)

OswaldTheOsprey

Under international law, no country currently owns the North Pole or the region of the Arctic Ocean surrounding it. The five surrounding Arctic states, Russia, the United States, Canada, Norway and Denmark (via Greenland), are limited to a 320 kilometre (200-mile) economic zone around their coasts, and the area beyond that is administered by the International Seabed Authority.

wiki diki do. Itza trick question anyhow.


But back to Santa: philanthropist of the millenia or subversive pinko terrorist?



Ahk

If Santa lives at the North Pole, does that mean he's Canadian?

Yes it does.

Any letter to Santa mailed anywhere in the world, addressed to Santa Claus, North Pole (no stamp necessary), will be delivered to a Canadian post office where it will be read and individually replied to by a veritable army of volunteer labor (mostly retired Canadian post office employees).

Canada even has a special postal code for the North Pole (HoHoHo).  :)

That's about the only 'conclusive' proof I know of for Santa Claus and it sure makes it look like he's Canadian.

O Canada! A wonderful civilized country!

Yes it does.

Oh man don't do that. Yer just setting us up for abuse there. No one here but us beavers.



Well hold on now...I'm not so sure I wanna go claiming him if he's just another run of the mill pinko subversive. If so then Im with Oswald: The Russians can have him.
I mean to me it's the elves. What up with the 'elves'? Who uses elves anymore? And what are they *really* building up there? Whenever the toys come it's all regular merchandise in it's regular packing - it never says 'product of the North Pole', so what were they building all this time?

Y'know I've never really trusted my neighbor. He's really really short, and he always disappears around this time of year and we dont see him again until after New Years. Hmmm....


Ahk

Who was the poster in the old forum who attacked Canada all the time? I believe he got banned.

dcolton

Not exactly. He was fed to the huskies.




Mush!
Ahk

Who was the poster in the old forum who attacked Canada all the time? I believe he got banned. As a Trekkie, I thank Canada for William Shatner and James Doohan!

OswaldTheOsprey

dcoltonbrown.

I banned him at one forum that I'm a moderator at.  He's also banned in at least two other forums that I'm a member of.

He apparently has a knack for getting himself banned.

My boss is completely goddamn insane. Just ask why, I dare you.

Why is your boss insane?

I love how this thread died with that. Faaaantastic.

Anyways, you know you're an alcoholic when: you water your Christmas tree via beer bong. Done and done.

ooop. now ya dun it.

Crazy?

Is he one rod short of a furlong?

His double-decker bus has a driver on the top?

His walls don't quite reach the ceiling?




Ahk

But it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person . You were thinking of the trees well being...and that's a positive thing.

But it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person . You were thinking of the trees well being...and that's a positive thing.

Why is your boss insane?

I don't know, sounds about as incompetent as any boss I've ever had. That's why I turned into one of the workers who doesn't give a shit and drags everybody down.

Oh, believe me, I'm about as unmotivated as they come. I'm arguably one of the more senior, experienced workers there, and yet I found out a couple weeks ago that one of the incompetents that I've been training for the last few decades makes more than me.

I pass the time by playing a game with my manager called "How Oblivious Is She?", where we try to outdo each other in making my boss look stupid, usually by putting increasingly obvious pop culture references in regular conversation:

Her: So, how's school been going?
Me: Well, my teacher's been giving me grief about homework, so I made her an offer.
Her: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, an offer she can't refuse. I'm getting an A now!
Her: That's wonderful! What else are you doing?
Me: Well, I'm doing some boring dance unit in PE.
Her: That's wonderful! What have you learned?
Me: We learned this waltz, transylvanian, I think. It's just a jump to the left, then if I remember correctly, a step to the right. Then you put your hands on your hips, and your knees in tight, and I forget the rest.
Her: Oh, wonderful!
Me: Yeah...
[long pause]
..Rooooosebuud...
Her: What was that?
Me: Oh, nothing.

1. She uses words in a manner designed by Satan specifically to piss me right off. I'm a proud and noble grammar Nazi, and she thinks it's good fun to use completely incorrect words in the simplest of context. For instance, she thinks "triage" means "an assortment of", as opposed to "to sort", and is oblivious to the fact that it's a word rarely used outside a hospital. She has an obsession with the word "wonderful" that borders on the fetishistic, and for pessimists like myself this is far from tolerable.

2. She runs her business like an enormous manifestation of her ego. Every bit of available shelf space is immediately filled up with tacky crap, though, luckily, there's rarely any empty space because nobody every buys her s**t. She sends out fliers pimping said giftware, bragging that it comes from "Canada, local Artisans, and elsewhere", "elsewhere" referring specifically to China. And because she runs our business like a pet project, we're constantly out of things, the schedule is all over the goddamn place (my manager was scheduled Christmas Eve for eight hours, got Xmas off, and was scheduled to work straight on through New Years, and people are routinely scheduled for one- and two-hour shifts), and paychecks routinely bounce. It's just a goddamn wreck.

2a. She also has no business ethics whatsoever. The standard markup for regular products is 60% (this is a convenience store/cafe, remember), and has a tendency to cover things up with stickers. The first example of this was a set of cheap injection-molded jewelery branded "Fashion Mode". She covered up all the "made in China" stickers with price tags (usually around $15.99). Then, she received a box of charity greeting cards from an organization called "H.A.N.D.S.", which makes shoes for orphans or supplies fair-trade prosthetics to Ugandan refugees or something. One day, I arrived at work to find the "$15" portion of the H.A.N.D.S.-supplied display box had been covered up with a Christmas decoration, and a "$19.95" sticker placed opposite it. About a week later, a representative of H.A.N.D.S. had stormed in, furious about the fact that we were profiting off a charity (this was after numerous customers and employees has expressed similar complaints). Confronted with this later in the week, my boss alleged that not only had the charity told her to mark it up, but that she also didn't see the original posted price. This might seem a bit contradictory, until you consider the fact that she has the galloping crazies.

3. She never fires anyone, which would be a good thing except that we've got two or three profoundly incompetent, lazy, and unethical workers who drag the rest of the workers down like an enormous anchor. One of them in particular, is not only a bottomless supply of grating laughs, inane statements, and obvious questions, but left alone in a ceiling-less room full of ladders, she would be unable to escape. Some of the things she's done:

- Attempted to fill an already-full pot of coffee, spilling coffee everywhere. Twice.
- Been told 4 times in one hour how to operate the debit machine.
- Filled a cup of tea for herself and proceeded to flip through the newspaper in the middle of a lunch rush.
- Expressed total ignorance regarding the difference between Skim and 2% milk.
- Made a batch of muffins entirely without flour, and not noticing until I pointed out that muffin mix isn't supposed to have the consistency of a runny milkshake.

This was all done in the last month, and she's been working here for four.

If someone ever tells you that they have "OMG leik the worst boss evar!!!1", that simply can't be unless they're one of my co-workers.

Make love, not war. (http://www.globalorgasm.org/)

Does that mean, at that time of date, we should all just masterbate?

Cuz thats cool...

Done and done. (http://kcsr.org/images/smiles/thumb.gif)

1. She uses words in a manner designed by Satan specifically to piss me right off. I'm a proud and noble grammar Nazi, and she thinks it's good fun to use completely incorrect words in the simplest of context. For instance, she thinks "triage" means "an assortment of", as opposed to "to sort", and is oblivious to the fact that it's a word rarely used outside a hospital. She has an obsession with the word "wonderful" that borders on the fetishistic, and for pessimists like myself this is far from tolerable.

2. She runs her business like an enormous manifestation of her ego. Every bit of available shelf space is immediately filled up with tacky crap, though, luckily, there's rarely any empty space because nobody every buys her s**t. She sends out fliers pimping said giftware, bragging that it comes from "Canada, local Artisans, and elsewhere", "elsewhere" referring specifically to China. And because she runs our business like a pet project, we're constantly out of things, the schedule is all over the goddamn place (my manager was scheduled Christmas Eve for eight hours, got Xmas off, and was scheduled to work straight on through New Years, and people are routinely scheduled for one- and two-hour shifts), and paychecks routinely bounce. It's just a goddamn wreck.

2a. She also has no business ethics whatsoever. The standard markup for regular products is 60% (this is a convenience store/cafe, remember), and has a tendency to cover things up with stickers. The first example of this was a set of cheap injection-molded jewelery branded "Fashion Mode". She covered up all the "made in China" stickers with price tags (usually around $15.99). Then, she received a box of charity greeting cards from an organization called "H.A.N.D.S.", which makes shoes for orphans or supplies fair-trade prosthetics to Ugandan refugees or something. One day, I arrived at work to find the "$15" portion of the H.A.N.D.S.-supplied display box had been covered up with a Christmas decoration, and a "$19.95" sticker placed opposite it. About a week later, a representative of H.A.N.D.S. had stormed in, furious about the fact that we were profiting off a charity (this was after numerous customers and employees has expressed similar complaints). Confronted with this later in the week, my boss alleged that not only had the charity told her to mark it up, but that she also didn't see the original posted price. This might seem a bit contradictory, until you consider the fact that she has the galloping crazies.

3. She never fires anyone, which would be a good thing except that we've got two or three profoundly incompetent, lazy, and unethical workers who drag the rest of the workers down like an enormous anchor. One of them in particular, is not only a bottomless supply of grating laughs, inane statements, and obvious questions, but left alone in a ceiling-less room full of ladders, she would be unable to escape. Some of the things she's done:

- Attempted to fill an already-full pot of coffee, spilling coffee everywhere. Twice.
- Been told 4 times in one hour how to operate the debit machine.
- Filled a cup of tea for herself and proceeded to flip through the newspaper in the middle of a lunch rush.
- Expressed total ignorance regarding the difference between Skim and 2% milk.
- Made a batch of muffins entirely without flour, and not noticing until I pointed out that muffin mix isn't supposed to have the consistency of a runny milkshake.

This was all done in the last month, and she's been working here for four.

If someone ever tells you that they have "OMG leik the worst boss evar!!!1", that simply can't be unless they're one of my co-workers.

Me: We learned this waltz, transylvanian, I think. It's just a jump to the left, then if I remember correctly, a step to the right

. Then you put your hands on your hips, and your knees in tight, and I forget the rest.

Done and done. (http://kcsr.org/images/smiles/thumb.gif)

What, for two people? Or twice?

I just wish they had a "sponsor an orgasm foundation". It's the closest I'll get to losing the ol' v-card.