bringbackwigs
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« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2007, 07:12:33 AM » |
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I would not go, because it would be like rewarding him for all of the years he didn't support you. Every child needs a roof over their head, food, clothes, etc, and the fact that he didn't do the one thing a parent is supposed to do, protect his children (by giving money to see that all of their needs are met), means I wouldn't go see him. It might even make you feel worse to see someone who looks like you and yet has had no relationship with you. Supposed love from a distance is not enough.
I don't see it as rewarding him. If anything, I'd imagine that it would make the father feel worse. He'd come face to face with probably the biggest regret of his life. |
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In religion and politics, people\\\\\\\\\'s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. - Mark Twain  |
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CedarPride
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« Reply #16 on: September 18, 2007, 07:20:28 AM » |
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I think you should go Opmod, if for nothing else, then for closure.
Something happened in your childhood, and now you have the chance to ask why, get answers to your questions. While doing so, you might be able to form some kind of relationship with your father. I think it is worth it.
The worst thing that could happen is that you realize that he is everything you thought he was and you don't want him in your life. It will not be a great loss because he never was and because your opinion of him can only go up, as it can't sink any lower.
On the other hand, it may be the start of something that could ease the bitterness and replace it with internal peace for you. Nothing can make up for the lost time, but maybe back then, it would have been worse had he been around. He may have changed, certainly he has matured, and now you may have a second chance at a father, in a different way than father/son outings, but a peaceful relationship with your father that could build slowly could be good for you.
The positives clearly outweigh the negatives. You should definitely go.
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Middle East forum 101 I committed the cardinal sin in the ME region of actually trying to post something relevant to the thread topic. |
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freethinker
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« Reply #17 on: September 18, 2007, 12:13:40 PM » |
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Its like what Zee Lee said...
My grand mother lived to be 102 and one of the last things she said to me was, "In all my years, I have never regreted anything I have done, only the things I havent done." Its good wisdom for many situations. This I think is one.
Good luck
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Yes we can ...and now we will...
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illhumanoddity
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« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2007, 02:53:54 PM » |
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I would not go, because it would be like rewarding him for all of the years he didn't support you. Every child needs a roof over their head, food, clothes, etc, and the fact that he didn't do the one thing a parent is supposed to do, protect his children (by giving money to see that all of their needs are met), means I wouldn't go see him. It might even make you feel worse to see someone who looks like you and yet has had no relationship with you. Supposed love from a distance is not enough.
I don't see it as rewarding him. If anything, I'd imagine that it would make the father feel worse. He'd come face to face with probably the biggest regret of his life. It's got to be a very worthless feeling, knowing that the most important job of your life got along fine without you. |
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I mean what did you think, my agenda was to freestyle, smile
get paid to smoke weed, grab the mic and spoon feed?
-- Atmosphere, \\"Rhyme Slayers\\"
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2112
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« Reply #19 on: September 19, 2007, 08:16:28 AM » |
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It's got to be a very worthless feeling, knowing that the most important job of your life got along fine without you.
I wouldn't say that, he seems to have some issues with women. Probably from lack of a father role model to teach him how to treat women, but then, so many of us have those issues because so many parents are either divorced or fight all the time. I don't see it as rewarding him. If anything, I'd imagine that it would make the father feel worse. He'd come face to face with probably the biggest regret of his life.
Regardless, I wouldn't go. I just wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of closure or whatever he could get out of it. |
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Terry Mathis
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« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2007, 08:33:20 AM » |
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Thanks folks, good advice all around.
I have not made a decision yet but I figure I will go. If only so that I do not have any regrets later.
I will know what is and will not have to think about what could have been
I had three 'stepfathers' after my mother divorced my badly alcoholic father. Mother raised me and my siblings without any help from my real father (notice I did not say 'Dad', because he never was). When I got my College Degree (cum laude), I was 22 and he approached me through my mother. I gave him a chance to see me and moved cross-country to meet my father I had not seen in years. I tried for a whole year being close by him and trying to understand a simple 'why?'. Needless to say, he was still a full blown alcoholic reduced to Vodka and water 20 hours a day. So yes, go see your father, but don't expect to find your Dad. At least then, you will know and will not have that demon to carry for YOUR lifetime. I hope you find peace with yourself. Kind regards Terry . |
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Its not what they say that bothers me, its what they say that just aint so that does ! - Will Rogers So that we may end the oppression wrought by our own hands.
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Major Zee Lee
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« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2007, 01:36:18 PM » |
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(...) I don't see it as rewarding him. If anything, I'd imagine that it would make the father feel worse. He'd come face to face with probably the biggest regret of his life.
Regardless, I wouldn't go. I just wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of closure or whatever he could get out of it. Exhibit A: women ARE more resentful than men...  (just kidding...) |
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Do not take life too seriously; nobody lives to tell.
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Terry Mathis
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« Reply #22 on: September 19, 2007, 05:30:28 PM » |
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Just getting page 2!!!!  |
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Its not what they say that bothers me, its what they say that just aint so that does ! - Will Rogers So that we may end the oppression wrought by our own hands.
- Shulman |
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Rachel
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« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2007, 07:31:50 AM » |
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Thanks folks, good advice all around.
I have not made a decision yet but I figure I will go. If only so that I do not have any regrets later.
I will know what is and will not have to think about what could have been
I had three 'stepfathers' after my mother divorced my badly alcoholic father. Mother raised me and my siblings without any help from my real father (notice I did not say 'Dad', because he never was). When I got my College Degree (cum laude), I was 22 and he approached me through my mother. I gave him a chance to see me and moved cross-country to meet my father I had not seen in years. I tried for a whole year being close by him and trying to understand a simple 'why?'. Needless to say, he was still a full blown alcoholic reduced to Vodka and water 20 hours a day. So yes, go see your father, but don't expect to find your Dad. At least then, you will know and will not have that demon to carry for YOUR lifetime. I hope you find peace with yourself. Kind regards Terry . Terry.. do you think your life experience made you a better man or father? (I am learning all the time which is why I ask so many questions. Please excuse me if these questions appear too personal). But - do you suppose it is our experiences that make us who we are? Or do you think we are already programmed at birth? |
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Terry Mathis
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« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2007, 11:36:27 AM » |
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Thanks folks, good advice all around.
I have not made a decision yet but I figure I will go. If only so that I do not have any regrets later.
I will know what is and will not have to think about what could have been
I had three 'stepfathers' after my mother divorced my badly alcoholic father. Mother raised me and my siblings without any help from my real father (notice I did not say 'Dad', because he never was). When I got my College Degree (cum laude), I was 22 and he approached me through my mother. I gave him a chance to see me and moved cross-country to meet my father I had not seen in years. I tried for a whole year being close by him and trying to understand a simple 'why?'. Needless to say, he was still a full blown alcoholic reduced to Vodka and water 20 hours a day. So yes, go see your father, but don't expect to find your Dad. At least then, you will know and will not have that demon to carry for YOUR lifetime. I hope you find peace with yourself. Kind regards Terry . Terry.. do you think your life experience made you a better man or father? (I am learning all the time which is why I ask so many questions. Please excuse me if these questions appear too personal). But - do you suppose it is our experiences that make us who we are? Or do you think we are already programmed at birth? Rachel, No problem at all. I detest alcoholics and definitely think my life experiences taught me everything, not genetics, although I would get sick before getting drunk (was God kind enough to put an anti-alcohol gene and bless me??). Every 2-6 months me and the wife enjoy a nice Red wine (bottle) between the two of us and enjoy the beauty of a well picked vintage. And I do KNOW it makes me a better man, husband, and father. I hope I answered your question Rachel, even though it wasn't that at all. Warm regards Terry |
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Its not what they say that bothers me, its what they say that just aint so that does ! - Will Rogers So that we may end the oppression wrought by our own hands.
- Shulman |
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Jericoacoara
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« Reply #25 on: October 16, 2007, 03:41:03 AM » |
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Sorry to hear about this Opmod. My heart goes out to you.
Did you end up going?
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The greatest tragedy is for a person to die with the music still within them.
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Opmod
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« Reply #26 on: October 16, 2007, 04:39:29 AM » |
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Sorry to hear about this Opmod. My heart goes out to you.
Did you end up going?
Its not until January. |
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\\\"Something witty\\\" Some self impotant blowhard
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Jericoacoara
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« Reply #27 on: October 16, 2007, 05:21:34 AM » |
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Ah, sorry about that. My fault for not seeing the date.  |
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The greatest tragedy is for a person to die with the music still within them.
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Patton
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« Reply #28 on: October 16, 2007, 06:01:24 AM » |
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I'd say do it for you...no one expects you to accept him as your "Daddy"...he is just your "Father".
There is a BIG difference between "Daddy" and "Father"...he is just another flawed man...no harm in meeting.
He can not hurt you anymore, so benefits may outweigh the risks.
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Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood
-George S. Patton
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allpoints
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« Reply #29 on: October 16, 2007, 08:31:03 PM » |
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I'd say do it for you...no one expects you to accept him as your "Daddy"...he is just your "Father".
There is a BIG difference between "Daddy" and "Father"...he is just another flawed man...no harm in meeting.
He can not hurt you anymore, so benefits may outweigh the risks.
"Our fathers are our childhood models for God." What Pat said, and most everyone else. GO It will be good for your inner psyche. |
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