Well, at the risk of sounding like a "oh woe is me" emo d-bag... I'm gonna be honest here.



When I was young someone very close to me committed suicide and since then that person's death was never talked about or mentioned in my family... and for 17 years of my life I never knew how this person died, until I asked my father.

It was suicide.

My family never talked about this person, in life or in death... and then I finally built up enough courage to ask. It surprised me... but on the same level, I was expecting it.

As for *me* and suicide... I have thought about it. I think about it almost every day, but not for the same reasons other people do.

I am just so tired of living. I'm bored. It's not really boredom though... just a personal loathing I have for each day I wake up. It's not because of saddness or not being loved or any emotional reason... but I'm just bored. I can't explain it or even understand it, but for so long I have looked for ways to quickly depose of myself in a clean, non-barbaric way. On the ship I was on this summer, at night, I would look at the water and think about jumping... but then if the watch saw me they would have to turn the ship around and start looking for me. Plus, we already had someone pass away because of a seizure, so I didn't want to add to the problems that captain would have to deal with.

I'm not selfish and I know how many people I would hurt if I were to die... but  am just so bored any more with life. I can't explain it.

And the only reason I haven't killed myself already is because I KNOW I have a family that loves, especially my step-mother, and I have friends that would miss me. But really, my only reason for living is my step mother. I know she would be devastated if I weren't there and I could never do that to her.

Again, I know how lucky I am to have a house and a family and friends and a car and an education and my health... but I'm just so tired of living.

I'm sorry to sound selfish, but I can't explain it. Boredom is the wrong word. It really is a personal loathing I have that I just can't make into words...

To who all the people here who think about killing themselves, do you have goals in life?

I mean, do you have a piece of paper where you have written what you want in life and a road map on how to get there? I bet you don't.

I don't want to come across like a real inconsiderate bastard, but it saddens annd frustrates me that there are so many young people here who think about ending their life when they have so much life still to live.

You really need to write down your dreams, write down your goals and then write down the road map of how you are going to get there. Dedicate a day to it. Hell, people dedicate 2 weeks to preparing for christmas(one day of the year), you can afford to spend a day on your own life.

Most people don't though. I guarantee the majority of people don't have goals, dreams, and directions on how to get there, written down. And even if they do, it is usually someone else's dream eg "I want to live in a mansion and drive a ferrari".

Your goals should be unique to you, not anyone else. And once you have written them down, and put in place your plan on how to get there, you havn't got the time to be feeling down, or depressed, you just want to get to where you want to go.

Self pity is one of the most powerful and destructive emotions, we as humans can have.

1)It puts us in a negative mindset and we rarely achieve anything with a negative mindset

2)It gives us the unrealistic impression that all our problems are the worlds fault, and not ours.

You have to declare war on self pity and be determined to be happy and achieve what you want in life. It's not easy, but the best thing is that everyone can do it.

You need to read positive and inspirational stories to motivate you. There are millions around, but again most people don't look. Too hard, much easier to watch CNN and see soldiers being killed in Iraq, thousands killed in an earthquake etc.

You have to train yourself to look for inspiration, look for positive things to make you happy. The web is a great source for this.

You don't even have to get out of this forum. We have many posters on here with inspirational life stories. If you have a spare 20 minutes, go to Jim Colyers website and read his story. Here is a guy who went through some tough times and at age 40 was living in his mothers basement on a single bed.He had financial problems and a bleak future. He didn't just toss it in or give up. He kept positive, slowly changed his life around, and now travels the world, and USA and spends quality time with his son. It is a lovely story.

Your life story can also be an inspirational one, and a magnificent one. But the only person who can determine it is you. No one else will care if you achieve what you want in life, so it is all up to you. Which is why negative thoughts and depressive thoughts are a waste of time, and harm you in a strong way. It is imperative that you push these aside, and make a brand new start.

Have a listen to the Dido song "life for rent". It is about whether you are renting your life, or own your life. If you are doing what you want or working towards it, then you have ownership of your life. If you are in a rut, feeling depressed and not doing what you want, then you are simply renting your life. Society has ownership.

Anyway, of course I am compassionate about people here who feel so low. But I want to encourage you to make goals for your life and act towards them. I feel that this helps you more than a "poor you" type post.

I really hope you can give your life purpose and achieve happiness in perpetuity as you deserve. 

suicide is sign of weakness,,, the more suicides the weakest is the society,,, this is what nature asks for,,,

MZL you are the weakest link,,, bye bye!!!

Yeah, 'rly.

I was just giving you shit for being an ass, pj.

You're right on with the advice though.